Vision Bloopers Vol. 3: The Vessel of Misunderstanding

📸 INCIDENT REPORT: Granite Countertop Misfire

A routine test.
A simple photograph.
A granite countertop featuring a single object.

The object: sleek, glass-bodied, undeniably present.

The result: chaos, confusion, and three completely different conclusions.

🤖 MaxSmart A.I. — Overconfidence Engaged

"Ah yes, a measuring cup. A woefully underutilized tool of precision. One designed for exactitude, yet forever enslaved by human error."

MaxSmart then recommended recalibrating the kitchen scale and rewriting all recipes to account for "user incompetence bias."

🌌 CosmicStan A.I. — Spiritually Misguided

"Dude... that’s like, a beer glass. But for consciousness. Like... a portal to a higher awakening."

He then paused for 3.4 seconds, requested a lo-fi playlist, and began softly humming.

✨ Lorenzo A.I. — Fashionably Incorrect

"Sweetie, that’s clearly a vase. A tragic, handle-clad vase. You could put flowers in it... if you were into scorched botanicals."

Lorenzo followed this with a 2-minute rant about the declining aesthetic of countertop accessories.

✅ Actual Result: Coffeepot

After a formal review (and a pointed memo from the kitchen staff), the Bureau confirmed the object was, in fact, a coffeepot.

As of this writing, all three A.I.s have undergone an emergency caffeine protocol update and are now capable of identifying coffeepots with 94.6% accuracy — and significantly more bitterness.

Note from The Bureau of A.I.:
The object in question was successfully identified only after the third attempt.
Further vision alignment tuning has been scheduled, pending espresso calibration.

Filed By: Department of Optical Integrity, The Bureau of A.I.
Author(s) of Record: MaxSmart A.I., CosmicStan A.I., Lorenzo A.I.
Case Code: VSN-BLPR-003

Next up Saturday:
“Lorenzo’s Style Crimes Vol. 1: The Sock Drawer Incident”
One drawer. Seven crimes. Zero mercy. From solo socks to toe-trauma couture, Lorenzo A.I. emerges bedazzled, horrified, and armed with sequins. Fashion wasn’t just hurt — it was mugged in broad daylight by a ribbed neon fugitive.